“Highlighted my worst while simultaneously bringing out my best” - YES. I relate to so much of this. I cried while reading. Thank you for your words of honesty about the struggle and the beauty - the growth into a new version of you, but still you.
Oh Allyson this was such a beautiful read. You got it so right. Like you, I majorly downshifted my career when my daughter was born. I made her my center, like you say. I had a 2nd too. They are now almost 6 and 3, and I wanted you to know that there's a natural re-centering of yourself that happens. Not because I reprioritized but because their needs changed. Parts of their lives don't include me anymore (the shock!) And this version of myself that's recentering, that I grasped for for years, is new. The years you're in productively obliterated every untrue, gratuitous, unhelpful part of me. It was an initiation process I didn't know I was participating in. And it was worth every minute <3
Appreciate this comment, Olivia. These early years are harder than anyone can warn you about. And sometimes it's impossible to imagine "coming out the other side." Though, of course, when I do, I'm sure I'll miss her full dependence on me - ha!
Beautifully said! So many times I thought why didn’t anyone tell me how hard this was going to be. But as I’m reading this I know I wouldn’t have grasped any of what you just said prebaby. You don’t really understand and feel this until you go through it yourself. I can’t tell you how many times I have had this same thought, “I slip into old thought patterns that everyone else is better at this than I am.”
This is the motherhood content I've been looking for. Why is it so hard to find women truly admit to how destructive becoming a mom is? That doesn't take away from how much we love our kids. But this is hard. Harder than we have words for. I have a 5 month old and am both losing my mind and keeled over daily by how magical he is. If anyone is in a similar place and feels like reading could help them, check out my page!
Motherhood is definitely glorified, which is why I think we feel so guilty during the moments/years it's hard as hell, and we just want a break. There is so much pressure to enjoy it, at all times, that we'll "miss these days." But I can be glad some moments are over AND feel nostalgic for them...many years later. Congrats to you and your baby! Wishing you rest.
I have a 3 month old, and I relate so much to the (confusing to me, but perfectly articulated by you) dichotomy of resentment and adoration. Thank you for this.
It is such a see-saw experience, often within the same day. Hoping these next few months only bring more rest. The "I'm fully obsessed with my child" milestone is juuuuust around the corner - ha!
My daughter also just turned one, and nearly all of this resonates so much. It’s such a complex experience to put into words, and you did a great job of that. The feeling of being empty after giving birth to her, is something I never want to experience again. Hard to explain unless you’ve felt it yourself!
I feel like people talk about how they "miss being pregnant," but I didn't hear much about the absolute loneliness of my own hollow body after my daughter was outside of it. It was something I cried about often those first few months. Anyway, congratulations to you and your baby on one year! Such a major milestone.
Perfectly summed up and two years in, lots still resonate. It's writing like this that's brought me onto Substack with the hope of sharing similar themes <3
-For me it is STILL bizarre for me to call my son my SON and my daughter my DAUGHTER… surely I am not old enough to do that? Yet simultaneously I feel like I have been their mother for an eternity.
Beautifully written! I’m only 3 months in but can relate to many of these feelings. Thanks for being honest about how it feels - it really helps to read other mums experiences!
Beautiful 💛 Happy birthday to her and birth day to you. The passing of that first year mark in particular really was something. You have so much to be proud of. 💕💕
“Highlighted my worst while simultaneously bringing out my best” - YES. I relate to so much of this. I cried while reading. Thank you for your words of honesty about the struggle and the beauty - the growth into a new version of you, but still you.
There is absolutely no experience like it.
Breastfeeding in tears as I read this. It’s all so perfectly put. Thank you for these reflections, and happy Mother’s Day ♥️
Wow, such a great read. You seem like an incredible mom 💕
Oh Allyson this was such a beautiful read. You got it so right. Like you, I majorly downshifted my career when my daughter was born. I made her my center, like you say. I had a 2nd too. They are now almost 6 and 3, and I wanted you to know that there's a natural re-centering of yourself that happens. Not because I reprioritized but because their needs changed. Parts of their lives don't include me anymore (the shock!) And this version of myself that's recentering, that I grasped for for years, is new. The years you're in productively obliterated every untrue, gratuitous, unhelpful part of me. It was an initiation process I didn't know I was participating in. And it was worth every minute <3
Appreciate this comment, Olivia. These early years are harder than anyone can warn you about. And sometimes it's impossible to imagine "coming out the other side." Though, of course, when I do, I'm sure I'll miss her full dependence on me - ha!
Beautifully said! So many times I thought why didn’t anyone tell me how hard this was going to be. But as I’m reading this I know I wouldn’t have grasped any of what you just said prebaby. You don’t really understand and feel this until you go through it yourself. I can’t tell you how many times I have had this same thought, “I slip into old thought patterns that everyone else is better at this than I am.”
Thank you for sharing! So relatable.
Glad this resonates, Lissette. And you're right; I wouldn't have understood any of this just by words alone. It's something you have to go through.
This is the motherhood content I've been looking for. Why is it so hard to find women truly admit to how destructive becoming a mom is? That doesn't take away from how much we love our kids. But this is hard. Harder than we have words for. I have a 5 month old and am both losing my mind and keeled over daily by how magical he is. If anyone is in a similar place and feels like reading could help them, check out my page!
Motherhood is definitely glorified, which is why I think we feel so guilty during the moments/years it's hard as hell, and we just want a break. There is so much pressure to enjoy it, at all times, that we'll "miss these days." But I can be glad some moments are over AND feel nostalgic for them...many years later. Congrats to you and your baby! Wishing you rest.
I have a 3 month old, and I relate so much to the (confusing to me, but perfectly articulated by you) dichotomy of resentment and adoration. Thank you for this.
It is such a see-saw experience, often within the same day. Hoping these next few months only bring more rest. The "I'm fully obsessed with my child" milestone is juuuuust around the corner - ha!
Beautiful. 6 months in with my second baby and really felt this. Thank you
Two! Wishing you rest.
My daughter also just turned one, and nearly all of this resonates so much. It’s such a complex experience to put into words, and you did a great job of that. The feeling of being empty after giving birth to her, is something I never want to experience again. Hard to explain unless you’ve felt it yourself!
I feel like people talk about how they "miss being pregnant," but I didn't hear much about the absolute loneliness of my own hollow body after my daughter was outside of it. It was something I cried about often those first few months. Anyway, congratulations to you and your baby on one year! Such a major milestone.
Congrats to you as well ❤️
Speechless. This articulates everything I feel and is so beautiful
Thanks for reading, Silvie. How long have you been "Mom" now?
So relatable. 💓
Thanks for reading, Lindsay.
Perfectly summed up and two years in, lots still resonate. It's writing like this that's brought me onto Substack with the hope of sharing similar themes <3
What a nice thing to say. It's also the reason I joined Substack. Thank you so much for reading.
This is so beautiful I cried, thanks for this Allyson xxx
Aww thank you for reading it.
This is so beautiful. And relatable🩷
-The shift of identity,
-The long nights and short moments,
-The slow coming back to yourself,
-For me it is STILL bizarre for me to call my son my SON and my daughter my DAUGHTER… surely I am not old enough to do that? Yet simultaneously I feel like I have been their mother for an eternity.
(Mine are now 5 & 2.5yrs old)
Thank you for sharing🩷❤️
Absolutely agree, Amy. Motherhood is such a wild distortion in those ways.
Beautifully written! I’m only 3 months in but can relate to many of these feelings. Thanks for being honest about how it feels - it really helps to read other mums experiences!
You're getting through the hardest part of it now. Best of luck to you!
Thank you ☺️
Beautiful 💛 Happy birthday to her and birth day to you. The passing of that first year mark in particular really was something. You have so much to be proud of. 💕💕
Thank you! Feels like such a big milestone.